I'm really tired of stuff atm and I'm not even sure what is wrong. I guess it is partly my current term timetable, Mon to Wed, straight lectures of roughly 4 hrs, and then Thurs and Fri lab.

Then there's aikido on wed and fri, and although the people are nice, the actual club is way more serious, and does cost a lot of money.

Or even my own accommodation... where...... ah nvm. And where the cleaning lady is inconsiderate xD

And how its much harder than I expected here, be it my studies or socialising..

But I know I sound like I am just whining, cause I'm sure things are way better than it sounds, and like, it's probably normal and most people can handle it!

Unfortunately, currently I am not so sure I can, and I am also quite tired of certain social etiquette. I am also not so sure about certain groups of people.

I wish I knew what I wanted in life. I think if I did, and truly believed in it, then it will be better. I think.

don't have much time, but I just want to say that the first year uni is not what ppl make it out to be, at least not in my case. It's definitely not just fun and games. But I am still enjoying it... I THINK. :)

last 24 hrs in singapore T_T

last night in london. T_T

i know i havent written in a long time but im writing now! (: the main reason i am writing again is because ive just finished reading some of my old entries, and i realise that i used to share more with everyone. therefore, ill need to keep it up to a certain extent instead of hibernating for many months, besides, its spring now:D and the weather so far has been fabulous!!! except a few days now and again but YAY SUNSHINE. but currently its cold and wet so im here ^^

i know i have addressed this topic many times, but i always feel the need to talk about it. i know that i dont keep up with correspondences very well, be it from singapore or uk. however, and i have said this before too, i always think about everyone a lot! i think about the incidents that have happened with each individual person or as a group.

i don't have an excuse for not communicating well, it is just the way i am. probably one day ill wake up and realise all my friends have drifted even though i always daydream about memories which make me smile so i always maintain a certain closeness with them that is probably not reciprocrated because i dont voice it out or show them. my demise :(

im currently going through a slightly rough patch, and i use the word "slighty" because any bigger and it would just be emoing and emoing is not something hip and cool anymore since im not 12 anymore ): if not i will be EMOINGGG. :D but sadly not. but jokes aside. being in a rough patch does not excuse it either. except that last time, i used to confide almost straight away to my close friends, but in this latest one, i do not really want to open up to anyone. i DID tell 4 ppl, one being my bro juz, and the rest are in the UK so they could relate slightly, but thats it i think. no moreeee.

but back to the memories. i want to write down some of what i think of so that it will be black and white.

primary sch
to D, we were close in pri sch, and you were the first person ever to talk to me for so long on the phone almost everyday and it was great!
to H, close in primary sch, you were a great friend and i will always rem the time we went to apologise to the sci teacher (:
to R, i still rem the time we talked about becoming best friends in pri sch, once in the computer lab, once in the co room!
to W, i still rem the letters we sent to each other in pri sch with our awesome nicknames and stickers!
to W, i rem being in the same group in higher primary and i respected you a lot!
to G, primary sch was fun with you, ill always rem watching Spirit with you.

secondary sch
to J, although i hardly know anything now, i still relive the days when i turned around to face you at yr desk, and i will always rem the more recent time when you stood up for me when we went back to sec sch.
to Q, i rem the time when you sent me a card to uk, and our many times shopping for our funfair jewellery.
to S, ive always respected you with you juggling so many responsibilities and i think sometimes about texting you to meet up but i nvr do so (i knowww i promised to).
to A, i rem lending you my stapler and our funny texts.
to A, i rem yr reallllllly random texts and how you were nice to me and helped me talk to someone.
to S, ive always admired you and will rem how you stuck by me and also taught me chinese theory!!
to D, i too rem how you were my friend when no one else would be even though you were friends with everyone so you didnt need to talk to me :)
to M, i rem the many unique gifts and the loong funny conversations we had either in the morning and after sch. i know its my fault they ended. you are one person ive always truly hoped will find happiness.
to R, i rem the kindness you shown by going back to sch and getting my book for me even though you didnt need to. and ive always believed you are really smart.
to X, i rem the strong convictions you have and my biig respect for you and our many neoprints experiences.
to K, you are always willing to open yr door to me (literally) and ill always rem that.
to C, i miss our old days with all that laughter, and our mrt trips.
to W, ive always looked up to you and felt honoured that we went shopping together and stuff.
to J, the really smart one, i rem finding where yr doodle started and our conversations that got us in trouble sometimes.
to C, despite what happened, ive always liked you. [friend-wise, silly ppl]
to C, you always have such high expectations of yrself even though yr outtake to life is sooooo relaxed in every other way glad we are still in touch even though i just write nonsense to you (:
to E/X/P, you ppl were kind and talked to me despite events so for that ill always be grateful and think of you with gd feelings.

college
to H, even with past events, i think of gd stuff when i think of you, eg spain and business.
to J, countless times you have cheered me up with yr super silly jokes and more recently i rem how you looked after me when i was in pain.
to C, i admire yr strength and yr values, im so glad to have met someone like you, and im honoured to think the same of me.
to L, ive learnt so much from you like how to clean a horse stable. thank you for looking after me so many times and also motivating me! i will always rem our EE night.
to L, even though much has come between us, i told everything to you and vice versa in our little room and for that, there will always be something special btw us.
to C, we dont really know what to talk about anymore, but i still rem our various room trips and lessons together with yr super neat handwriting.
to G, what to say, no idea, but fond memories still surface like yr flowers and random drawings!
to F/A, even though our days are over, i still enjoyed it while it lasted, and thanks for painting my nails!
to K, not really in contact anymore, but you were one of my first friends and i rem we went on sooo many trips together to oxford, covent garden, etc. i love yr motorbike!
to S, my sweet friend, i love eating yr food and i rem doing maths and tok together (:
to M, we hardly talked but when we did we talked for hours. thank you for the interesting convos and saying you nvr met someone like me before!
to W, phys meant you! and you were hilarious. with yr "homies" and "RRRRR" and pens! and you were incredibly smart.
to M, our msn convos was the extent of our friendship. even though they abruptly stopped im glad we talked.

this category is of the randoms ^^
to my mjcco, even though i did not manage to get to know you guys long enough, i absolutely loved my time with you, especially with my tiny group (E, M, etc)
to my chinese tuition group, i miss our simple days and how we used to play catching during break and eat snacks.
to N, i still have yr soft toys and you have always been there.
to S, haha you will always be my leaderrrr, irl or not.
to N, my male version, shown by quizzes and height haha!!!
to my work colleagues briefly, (B and Y), you made things great, complaining and going to lunch together!
to B, time has since drifted us apart but you were always been really nice. although we nvr had any friends in common we became close for a while and im happy about that.
to my mjc og, you guys made orientation so fun and i loved it esp the crazy girls and i wish it had lasted longer! (esp X, P, and E)
to s205, again, i wish i had remained part of the group longer but i still think of those days (esp E, H, H, A, S, D.. basically everyone actually o_O)
to J, even though i havent known you for long i know im already glad to have met you!
to R, you are so random but thats part of yr charm! i rem yr kboxing and meeting you for the first time!
to C, too much to sayyy mr cool. we rock! :D

to M/T/T, i love you guys soooooooooooooooooo much.

to my brothers, you two have always looked after me whenever i needed it!

and lastly, to my parents, i think of you a lot and what you have done for me.

if i forget anyone, ill add it to my list when i rem (: also, no need to reveal names if you do know okay! even though they are obvious lmao. i know this entry was really long, i hope no one read through the WHOLE thing you would have died. just read yr relevant part :D:D:D

*less than 3 everyone*

omg is really what is in my head at the moment. i scrolled down to the bottom of my page, and it was my FIRST entry of 2008. gone are the days when my archiving takes place twice a year. its ONE WHOLE YEAR. omg. my layout is one year old. its CRAZY.

okay i am going to archive and change my layout soon. take care ppl! :D